How to Know if You’re Actually a Good Parent
A practical exercise for evaluating your parenting—without the guilt.
How do you know if you’re actually being a good parent?
That question can be laced with guilt, shame, or self-doubt. But it doesn’t have to be.
On one of my micro retreats—a rhythm I highly recommend and talk about in my book—the Lord gave me a question that’s been surprisingly clarifying.
You can only improve what you measure.
That principle comes straight from the world of business and leadership. But it’s helped me think deeply about my parenting—not as a form of self-condemnation, but as a form of growth.
So instead of asking vaguely, “Am I a good parent?”—ask this instead:
What categories would I actually use to measure good parenting?
Here are a few of mine. Maybe they’ll inspire your own.
Love – Am I showing affection, encouragement, joy? Do my kids feel safe and seen?
Discipleship – Am I intentionally teaching them? Forming their hearts? Giving them age-appropriate tools to navigate life?
Family Culture – What kind of home am I shaping? What rhythms do we keep? What values do we live out, especially in how I treat my spouse?
Friendship – Am I building a real relationship with each child—not just managing them, but knowing them?
It’s not about scoring perfectly in each category. It’s about identifying what matters to you—so that you can be intentional about growing in it.
If you never define what you’re aiming for, how will you know if you’re actually becoming the parent you want to be?
So what are your categories?
Think about them. Write them down. And let them guide you—not to guilt, but to grace-driven growth.
You were made for goodness,
Phil