Why Friendship Is a Spiritual Discipline

The One Practice You’re Probably Overlooking

Most of us don’t think of friendship as a spiritual discipline.

We think of it as something that happens naturally—if we’re lucky. Or something we had in abundance when we were younger but don’t have time for now.

When we hear “spiritual discipline,” we think of prayer, fasting, Bible study. Things that require intentionality and effort. But friendship? That’s just extra. Optional.

At least, that’s what I thought.

Until I had a moment that changed my view of this.

A few years ago, I was drowning in responsibilities. Between my full-time job, pastoring, writing, being a husband and father—my plate was full. And my solution? Work harder. Push through. Stay productive. (Is this like you too??)

But then I started noticing something.

The weeks when I spent intentional time with another man—a real friendship, not just small talk—were different. Those weeks, I felt lighter. More encouraged. More at peace.

I actually felt like I had the strength to do what I had to do in life

But the weeks I isolated myself? Stress piled up. My mental and emotional health suffered. Even my spiritual life felt dull.

This is when I realized: friendship is a spiritual discipline. Hebrews does talk about “not giving up meeting together”. I think that applies in a corporate setting as well as an interpersonal setting.

I needed friendship like I needed prayer. Like I needed time in the Word. Like I needed rest.

Because here’s the truth—everything in life pulls us away from deep, same-gender friendships:

• Work and exhaustion

• The demands of family

• The isolating nature of urban life

• The lie that we don’t have time

And if we’re not intentional, we’ll wake up one day and realize we’ve built a life without real friendship.

That’s why I’ve started treating it as a discipline. Just like prayer, just like fasting, I schedule time for it. Because I know my natural drift is toward isolation. And when I let that happen, I become a different person—a worse one.

So let me ask you:

• Do you have real, intentional friendships in your life?

• Or have you unconsciously let them slip away?

• What would it look like to prioritize them the way you prioritize other spiritual practices?

• When you do hang out with friends, are they deep, meaningful?

You were made for goodness,
Phil